I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
