Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
