i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
