She said her name was "party"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
