ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize