hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
