he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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