Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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