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i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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