I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
