i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
