Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
