just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
