I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
