Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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