you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
