it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
