why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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