I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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