Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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