You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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