Whatcha textin bout Willis?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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