I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
