Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Randomize
