For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We had to coat check the pizza.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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