im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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