I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
