You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
