I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
