I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
