Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
