I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
