I faked an abortion last night.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I touched a dick in church today
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
