guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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