Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
