It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
