how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
