Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
