As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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