420 ftw
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
