I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
