I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
