It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
