The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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