i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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