I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The Olympian is in my bed
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
