i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
