yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
