I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Randomize
