he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You can't just leave with hair like that
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
