I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
