The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
