quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
